Beer, Brewskies and Liquid Bread

Germany is famous for its beer. But with 1,274 breweries in the country, enjoying a cold one in the country isn't quite as straightforward as you might think.

If one believes in stereotypes, then all Germans waddle around with their lederhosen stretched across prodigious beer bellies, ridiculous hats perched on their heads, oversized mugs of beer clutched firmly in fat-fingered fists with oompah music playing in the background. Most Germans, of course, would find such a caricature deeply insulting. After all, they take their beer drinking much more seriously than that.

Sure, if you happen to visit Munich, you may stumble across a sprawling Biergarten or into a cavernous beer hall. But look closely. Most of the dirndl-clad waitresses, looking to all the world like an aged Heidi with breast implants, are probably from Poland or Hungary. And the customers? Aside from a couple of seasoned alcoholics, most are likely to be dropping off at the pub for a cold one on their way home from the office.

The point is, beer remains Germany's national drink, but for Germans themselves, it's largely just a pleasant way to slake their thirst. You'll see construction workers downing a bottle or two on their lunch breaks. You'll find offices kitchens well stocked. You can get one at movie theaters and in McDonald's. And in the vast majority of cities and towns in Germany, you're never more than a few meters from a bottle, can or keg of beer.

The country is home to fully 1,274 breweries -- about three quarters of all the breweries in the European Union -- and they churn out 5,000 different beers. Although beer swilling has been declining due to greater health awareness -- and you will run into Germans who never touch the stuff -- Germans remain among the world's biggest beer drinkers with consumption of 115 liters per head in 2004.

Faced with such massive quantities of beer, Germans don't shy away from blatantly lying to get you to consume your fair share. For example: "German beer contains no chemicals or preservatives so you won't get a hangover." The editors of this article have hundreds of euros worth of aspirin receipts that prove otherwise. But the quality is indeed excellent and dates back to the first food quality law ever passed, the 1516 Purity Law which limits beer ingredients to water, hops, malt and yeast. Put all that together, though, and you end up with varying quantities of alcohol -- which, we can assure you, is the decisive factor in whether you'll end up with your head in a trashcan the next morning.

Before you get that far, though, there are a number of methodological hoops you'll need to jump through before you can even take your first sip. Patience is the first. Leaving aside the genetic allergy to speedy service that afflicts most Germans, pouring a good pils takes time. Three minutes is the standard, though in some bars you'll note the German relationship to time is rather more flexible than you might have been led to believe. If you're thirsty, order a fresh one as soon as you've been served.

Once you've got your beer safely set in front of you, umgotteswillen don't take a sip before toasting with your table mates. Raise your glass, look your fellow drinker in the eye, clink glasses and say "Prost!" The eye contact thing is vitally important; it is said that, should you forego this social nicety, you will be punished with seven years of bad sex. A quick glance at the low German birth rate confirms that the Teutonic gods are indeed watching.



Visitors would be foolish not to imbibe the local brew no matter where you are. Especially, it must be said, in the southern state of Bavaria. Munich doesn't host Oktoberfest -- the world's biggest beer bash -- for nothing. The state has over 500 breweries.